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If there was ever a single song that sums up my last two decades, it would be this one. However, I’m not here to unpack my inability to manage my own life via an online therapy session, I’m here to discuss a bad culinary decision and a bad musical decision.
First, let’s tackle the theme song here. There was no other name for this sandwich than The Bad Decision. That led me to my usual Spotify search for a theme song. Sure, I COULD have gone with The Strokes, Two Door Cinema, hell even Ariana Grande. Then I found AHZ. A pseudo-emo-rock epic rock band fused with dubstep? And their lead single is “Bad Decisions”?!? Fuck yeah – that’s this dish’s theme song! To be honest, in a “driving in your car/backyard kegger brofest” kinda way, this track is not THAT bad. From a quality music standpoint, yeah it’s a bad decision, dude.
The same can be said about this dish. From a straight-up “Dude I have a hangover, fix me something stupid” standpoint this is pretty solid. It’s gonna help with last night’s damage even as it fills you with a level of regret. If you’re eating this with a solid 8 hours slumber and looking forward to a constructive day, you’re fucked. This is going to take you down like a high school bully giving you a swirly while his minions pants you.
You’d think meat, egg, cheese, and spicy sauce would just be a hillbilly BEC. You’d be wrong. It’s a culinary vampire sucking your very will to live after you finish it. Oh yes, it’s joyous spicy greasy decadence while you’re eating it. A supremely satisfying umami bomb. Then you’re done and time passes. And you are left to ponder why you ever chose to make this sandwich. Why you then chose to eat it. And, worst of all, why you continue to be so good at making bad decisions.
THE BAD DECISION
Beef hot dog, pepper jack, fried egg, & chili crisp on a potato roll
2 all-beef hot dogs (there is NO reason to try to make this healthy or vegan!)
1 1/2-ounces pepper jack cheese
Spicy chili crisp
Spread a generous amount of mayo on the bottom bun. Place the pepper jack on top of the mayo.
Split the dogs lengthwise leaving a hinge. Place them in a hot cast-iron skillet (or non-stick skillet, split side down until they lightly char. A grill weight works nicely for this or you can press with a spatula. Flip and char on the other side. Remove from the pan and place directly on top of the pepper jack.
Reduce the heat on the skillet to medium and add a bit of oil or butter. DO NOT clean out any hot dog grease. Crack two eggs into the pan and cook until the whites start to set up. Then break the yolks. Continue cooking until completely set and flip to cook the top side. You want a little color on the egg because it’s FRIED!
When the eggs are done, remove them from the skillet and place them on the hot dogs. Top with a generous spoonful of chili crisp. Spread more mayo on the top bun and place it on the sandwich. Sit down with this and a few napkins and take comfort in knowing this is the worst decision you’ll make today.