“All of a sudden, I found myself in love with the world”
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I was never really a big Ministry fan. Sure, I dug the Wax Trax dance era and I still believe “Every Day Is Halloween” is one of the finest synth-goth tracks in musical history. I was highly amused when Al Jourgensen chose to fuck over every electro-dance fan he had and pivot to industrial metal. In fact, having seen both incarnations live, I can attest to the sheer brilliance of the Rock God Ministry spectacle. On paper and in the moment it was rock perfection: in your face, sloppy, loud as hell, and verging on parody. Sadly, Metal Ministry ultimately collapsed under the weight of the persona Mr. Jourgensen crafted.
In a similar manner, this recipe is great on paper, but may (depending on your proclivities) ultimately collapse under the weight of its concept. I originally envisioned this as a grilled cheese but never felt that fit the “hot rod” part of the theme song. So, as I am a bit hot dog-obsessed, I started planning how cheeses could build a hot dog. That led me to a childhood classic, the crescent dog, but that just didn’t seem metal enough. The original grilled cheese plan used a jalapeno cream cheese so why not this plan as well? Then I added cheddar because of cheeses. Then, why buy crescent roll dough when you have bread in the pantry? Finally, I could have grilled this like a grilled cheese, but let’s face it deep frying is way more metal.
This is definitely not a Heart Smart Menu item though it does make great drunk party food. If I were to make it again which is unlikely unless I have a party, I think I’d up the cheeses level by swapping the ranch dressing for a bowl of queso. After all, if you’ve gone as far as deep-frying cheese and bread-wrapped hot dogs, why not simply go all in?
CHEESES BUILT MY HOT DOG
Hot dog, roasted jalapeno cream cheese, & cheddar on deep-fried whole wheat
Makes 4 sandwiches
4 all-beef hot dogs
4-ounces cream cheese softened
2 jalapeño, roasted & finely diced
4-ounces cheddar, shredded
8 slices soft whole wheat bread, crusts removed
2-quarts vegetable oil
Ranch dressing for serving
Mix the cream cheese and roasted jalapenos in a small bowl and set aside.
Gently slice the hot dogs lengthwise about halfway through. Take care to not cut the hot dogs in half.
Slightly overlap two pieces of bread and flatten with a rolling pin. Spread a thin layer of the jalapeno cream cheese across the flattened bread and top with a bit of cheddar cheese. Place a hot dog on the edge of the bread closet to you and roll up tightly. Make sure the seam is completely sealed. Repeat for the remaining hot dogs. Place the rolls in the fridge to chill while getting the oil ready.
Bring 2-quarts of oil to 350°F in a heavy pot. Gently lower the hot dog rolls into the hot oil and cook, turning occasionally, until the hot dog splits and the bread is crispy about 2 minutes. Remove from the oil and place on a paper towel-lined cooling rack to drain excess oil. Let rest 5 minutes before eating,